As we enter silly season where everyone proclaims undying love for their partners
When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows."
Do I alarm you by the cynical opening line, borrowed from Paulo Coelho? Cake makers, do not be afraid; my words are not meant to affect your bottom line during one of the most profitable periods for those in your trade. Ann Summers shares will still spike in February. I am a mere observer. I offer a contrasting but complementary view. If you’re still reading, then we have something in common.
Silly season.
As we enter silly season where everyone proclaims undying love for their partners, my bae this (was there ever a more meaningless word?), you complete me that (after they have left home in separate cars because they aren’t talking) and said partners are surreptitiously sending love hearts to their other bae by WhatsApp, permit me to burst your bubble with a healthy dose of pragmatism.
After the red satin underwear, heart cakes, cupid arrow diamond necklaces, what next? Reader, I am not telling you to forgo love, feel free to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Love is everywhere, always has been and always will be, provided The Donald and Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un restrict their disagreements to social media and Planet Earth is allowed to remain undestroyed.
The Bible talks extensively about love in the first letter to the Corinthians. Singers continually include love in the lyrics of their bestselling songs, love quotes are everywhere. Bear with me and you’ll see where I’m going with this:
Challenges of loving.
After the romantic dinner, you’re both driving home, and the waves of calamari breath battle the air-conditioning for atmospheric space. That you reach your destination without splitting up for good, that is love. By morning when the onions in the appetizer are working their way through the digestive process, and you both stay under the duvet together despite the gaseous releases, that is love. Love is not always neat and tidy.
I’m a huge Pink fan because she doesn’t do mushy love songs. Titles like Beautiful Trauma and Just Give Me a Reason resonate because they accept that love isn’t perfect. Emeli Sandé tells us love hurts. Marilyn Monroe said “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” I could go on and on because love means so many different things. Permit me one more – “Marriage is three parts love, and seven parts forgiveness of sins” Do I hear the sound of couples cheering Lao-Tzu?
Loving is a conscious effort.
These are a few things to consider as we countdown to the annual frenzy that is Valentine’s Day. I started with Senhor Coelho, and will round up with his wise words, “Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.
To love somebody isn`t just a strong feeling. It is a decision, a judgment, and a promise.”
He knows what he’s taking about; he has been married for thirty-eight years.
Written by Lande Abudu.
Lande nearly twenty years’ experience in diverse fields that run the gamut from commercial banking, newspaper columnist and correspondent to management in non-governmental organisations both in Nigeria and the UK. She sits on the board of the Cowbell Football Academy. Instagram: @landeabudu
Valentine Series: "Love is…… a trap.”
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