By Pastor Okokon Ating
Just as we have factors causing inter personal tension in marriage so also are many things drift-ing one into self tension in marriage. These are the self inflicting problems or challenges that do not allow many women and men in the course of their marriages to have peace or rest of mind.
Sometimes some may at the long run, resolve to quit when they feel they can’t bear the pain and shame of the problems erupted in the marriage anymore.
The intra-personal tension is one of the dangerous weapons Satan himself uses to cheat people who do not know their stand in the Lord and what he can do for them who are in the faith. Intra-personal tension goes along with self-pity and anger of the soul. Uncountable per-sonalities found in this situation hang themselves easily.
They also take un-usual decisions which may not favor them in their marriage lives. Intra-per-sonal tension creates deep wound in the soul of the sufferer. The only healing balm to the person suffering from intra-personal tension is when there is speedy answer to the particular ‘sickness’ causing the pains. Intra-personal tension in marital life can be caused by the following facts:
Spouses unfruitfulness:
As at the time of writing this book, a sister brought news to me that a newly married lady was battered by her sister-in-law, insulting her with all sorts of abusive words and even promised her that so far as she lives, she will make sure that the marriage comes to an end, the reason being that the lady had been married to her brother for quite a while yet she is not pregnant.
This incidence of daily assault now becomes a snare in the life of the couple. It has created a big wound which does not allow the lady to sleep nor eat well just as in the case of Hannah; the scripture has this to say:
‘And as he did so year by year, when she went up to The house of the Lord, so she provoked her therefore she wept, and did not eat.
Then said Elkanah her husband said to her Hannah why weepest thou and why eatest thou not? And why is thy heart grieved?
Am I not better to thee than ten sons? I Samuel 1:7-8.
The action of the other wife and children became the source of provocation and grief of heart to Hannah. It was Hannah alone who suffered it within herself. It was a problem of life which she went through. Tears became her daily food. She had no comfort from the husband despite the con-solations given her by him, saying ….. “am I not better to thee than ten sons”.
Honestly, all these words could not solve the problem of Hannah’s heart. With this kind of challenges occurring in a marriage, a woman will feel insecure in such a home irrespective of whatever she eats or wears. All her mind will be that, one day she would be thrown out of the marriage or the husband would dump her to marry another wo-man. Sometimes her mate will castigate her and make her a laughing object in the public. Look at another fact of the public assault that brought anguish to the soul of the sufferer as recorded in Genesis 16:4-5.
“…and when she saw that she had conceived, her mist-ress was despised in her eyes.
And Saria said unto Abram, my wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid unto thy bosom, and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the Lord judge between me and thee”.s
Let’s put the life of Sarai and Hannah in a spiritually x-ray, we will clearly see that it tantamount to having a wound in the bone and ma-rrow of a grieved heart.
This is one of the things that cause some weak and feeble minded souls to commit suicide. It is a challenge we must be aware of in order to know how it can be handled by whosoever is concerned. Sarah felt insulted by her maid and as such she looked rejected and forsaken.
She suffered the pain inwardly; some husbands too do feel intra-personal tension when their wives face delay in child bearing. Some men would say their maids are better than their wives, and why did they marry a male presuming she was a fema-le, referring to their wives as males. When would they have playmates in the house?
When would they buy pre-sents home for their child-ren? As a result of many self-pitied questions like these, some married men would want to try their luck outside their wedlock. Some men would see their wives being responsible for their ina-bility to be fruitful, some would call their wives names such as “unfortunate woman”, “witch” “Ogban-je”, etc.
I know a man who bought his wife a car, built a house for her but was transferred from his office to another state where he had an opp-ortunity to marry another woman whom he thought would bear him children. I doubt if such marriage would not end up with each person preparing charms against each other. It may even result to death too.
This is a big challenge in the marital life of the said couple which they need to solve in a round table talk. The anxiety to father children quickly can cause intra-personal tension which if not checked, may result in divorce.
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